I've Changed..... :(

I have found myself in the kitchen this week....'trying' to cook up a storm for my loved ones over the Chrissy period and whilst up to my elbows in sifted flour I realized..... I've changed!

Now usually I was the one who turned up to Christmas at home late, with a ute load of dogs, a carton of grog, some prawns and most likely...seriously hung-over from the Festive celebrations throughout Qld.

I loved my Spinster life back then, no shoes, no shit, no problems.

The only reason I can think of about my change happening is....during the night of my 30th a wicked '30 fairy' put a spell on me and turned me into .....MY MOTHER!

Promise you won't laugh?

Well not out loud anyway...pretty please :) Ok...here is THE FIRST EVER Christmas baking I have done in my life......

Oreo Truffles dipped in white choc, Cinnamon Trees and my fav...Rum Balls!


'Tis the eve of the Eve folks and this is all I have done for Christmas 2010....I haven't even done my shopping yet....YIKES!

How Old is To Old?

In the early hours of this morning our 10 year old comes into our room upset that she has had a terrible nightmare, I immediately scooched over and wrapped her into my arms, hushing her back to sleep. We only have a Queen sized bed and with 3 it seems even smaller. I had the pleasure of reading pottymouthmama's post this morning-  Ah - Sweet Bed!  regarding bed sizes and had to chuckle at her comments. However this blog isn't about how big the bed it, but rather how big our children get and when a certain age is too old.

This morning I let our girl into our bed simply because she was upset with her dream . Within 5 minutes of our Miss M sliding in, B-Rock decides to get out in a huff, grab his pillow and head straight for the couch, grumbling as he went about her being too old to sleep in our bed. Now I understand why he did that, I do..but what I don't get is, it won't be long before she hits 16-17 and we won't have the pleasure of those cuddles. Instead we could be awoken by her calling and waking us up in the night saying she's had an accident, or worse still by a policeman-god forbid.

I enjoy my sleep as much as the next parent, but I enjoy being able to cuddle my 'baby girl' much much more. Time is flying by and surely a few hours of lost sleep doesn't compare?

I love You To The Moon and Back- INFINITY!!!

This morning I found myself looking for some words of encouragement for my little Sister as she is about to embark on one of the hardest things in her life- her daughter is in the process of open heart surgery- she is only 4 years old. So today my dear little sister, this ones for you!

I love you to the moon and back
and then infinity times more
I love you to the moon and back
as you open up this door
I love you to the moon and back
as i take your hand and walk with you
I love you to the moon and back
together we'll see this through.

I love you to the moon and back
when your courage fades away
I love you to the moon and back
I'm right there with you to stay
I love you to the moon and back
lean on me if you wish
I love you to the moon and back
for always my little Sis!

Some Inspiration....

Writers block has had me held at ransom for weeks, maybe its how busy my life has been, or maybe its just the typical everyday frustration of life- busy or not.

I've found myself calling my Mum alot lately, most mornings actually, for a coffee and a chat. We haven't had the best of relationships as Mother and Daughter- we are too much alike I say. However I know that if I need some motivation/inspiration she is the person I turn to most of the time.
I left home for real at 17.5 years of age to work as a Governess/Rousie on a property outside Dirranbandi, something I had yearned for since I was just a little tacker. Mum wrote me this poem and gave it to me the day the truck came to collect me and I often find myself looking back on it for inspiration to keep on keeping on.

Its been a slog
we've had it tough
and, i know at times its been very rough.
But, I have to say
I'm so very proud of you
your Brothers and your Sisters too!

My little girl has turned a page
in that book of life that's been mapped an age
We follow that book our whole lives through
the good times, the bad, and the waiting times too.

You've got your chance now,
grab on and hold tight
you've wanted this badly
work hard, you'll be right!
listen and learn, let your brain be a sponge
others impart, take the plunge.

Take the plunge, but be wary
for there are bad times too
be aware that they're coming
stand tall see them through.
As each one passes
you'll find that in time
they'll seem smaller, lesser
Hey kid, you'll be fine!

I love you my Elizabeth,
I'll pray for your moon.
keep stretching and reaching
for you may hold a star soon
As long as you aim high
the moons not that far
Be proud and be strong
I love the girl that you are!

Iron Roof Irony

It's the drip drip dripping
that really gets to me
When the roof won't stop leaking
and the rains won't seem to ease.

When the water reaches the buckets limit
and it empties everywhere
water trickles through the floor
along the hall and down the stairs.

Its really a problem we don't need
this mouldy mildew mess
When mum and dad aren't coping well
as cattle prices aren't best.

The rains came too bloody late
and they had to sell the stock
and what use to drive me really mad was that tick tock bloody clock.

So now the skies have opened up
and wet us all like shags
Dad reckons us boys will have to go
we'll have to pack our bags
He wants us out, to find some work
and help the family farm
mum cries to him- don't make them go, keep them here safe from harm.

But its not only the stock that Dad has lost
the bank wants to take the lot
you'd think they'd have enough
without the little that we've got.

So now I'm laying in my bed
still listening to that drip
and wondering if my brothers and I
will still have to take that trip.

EVERYTHING looks like a snake!!! :(

So out here in countryville snake season has started, oh yes good and proper. We have gone from flood, in which we were attacked by mossies big enough to saddle up and ride, to now SNAKES!


Now normally I am prepared for such an invasion...I remove all fruit from my fruit bowl in the lounge and replace all said items with bullets for my 410 shot gun. A very colourful arrangement of red really matching my lounge suite.

So today when our little 'snake dog' started with his usual yap of " I found one I found one I found one" I went to investigate (without my rifle) and there he was, Mr Brown. After flying inside       ( like Flo Jo) and returning armed, he had gone....I will say that EVERY step and breath is taken extremely seriously at this point.

I then spent the rest of my day looking for our slithery friend like a stealth bomber floating in mid air stepping weightlessly, after all I have my 4 year old niece coming to visit the farm on the weekend and much to my frustration and dismay I couldn't find him...although EVERYTHING looked like a snake....a twig....the grass....my own shadow....and my garden hose could have had enough holes in it to become a soaker..:(

Day one of snake season and I'm down 1 point, not happy at all. If I could just get a email out to them or a memo of some sort I would simply explain the importance of their boundary and my boundary. The rules are simple, don't come into the house yard and live....really is that too much to ask???

Hooray!! I'm jobless....

Feels very weird typing/saying that as I have worked more or less full-time since leaving school all those years ago. My decision to resign was primarily based on the stress my Real Estate job was having on my family and most of all myself. I would often drive home in tears and frustrated at just how much my dream job was making me feel, I could never attend Miss M's school functions and this would upset her. So the guilt of being a working Mum and helping to provide for my family would eat me up inside. I then made myself sit back and think about how much different my life would be if I didn't work...sure I could attend those School functions and see my beautiful girl full of joy, but isn't not being able to provide for her more important?

So I have decide to have a break from working and see how we all go....and I'd hate to say, but I do miss working. I wake up and pace the floors wondering what I'm going to do today....tomorrow...the next day.

So after scrubbing my house like its never been scrubbed before, only to have the tractors fly past and send clouds of dust right back in, I tried the whole cooking thing.....yep those cookies are still in the cookie jar....and last nights left overs weren't taken for lunch today by Mr B...:(

Surely I'm good at something other than being in Real Estate?????


It's so quiet here....even the fridge sounds like its screaming....

I did have an exciting plan to slash outside, only to find the slasher has been taken to the other farm...so I hopped on the ride on, and have to say that was a hairy experience..snakes are everywhere at the moment so I spent most of the time mowing with my knees around my ears and my feet on the steering wheel...must have looked a gorgeous sight!!!

Bula!!!

We have recently arrived home from our family trip to Fiji, and what an exhilarating experience it was. From staying in the 5 Star Outrigger Resort to learning that all wait staff at that 5 Star Resort are paid between $3.50-$4.50 per hour!


One...just one Cocktail will pay for one of the waiters full shift....so what did we do? We tipped like we've never tipped before...we visited their villages and bought all our gifts directly through the people living there, we learnt they have only an hour of running water a day-so they all walk down to the village tap with their buckets and basins and wait in line patiently for their turn to gather as much water as they can.

I was in awe at how well mannered and happy the Fijians are, considering the 3 world they are living in. Each time we saw a Fijian they would yell "Bula!!!" with the biggest smiles I have ever seen, they never once complained, it was almost like they were brainwashed into being happy 24/7.

I will say that I was extremely happy that our 10 year old daughter got to experience all of this, she saw the silver service she received by these gorgeous people with the huge smiles and then she saw the squalor they lived in. We didn't need to discuss any of this to her as she realised just how easy our kids in Australia have it and if she gets her big britches on and decided to complain or whinge, I'll simply remind her of the Fijians and how happy they were just to be alive-no matter what the situation was.


Now on a nicer note, Fiji was bloody great! The Island itself is yuck, however the Outrigger was awesome. I will totally recommend it to families, as that's what the Fijians do-make mum and Dad happy by keeping the kids occupied with lots of learning and fun!


You can't help but fall in love with the locals and the romance of the resort, that is why I suppose my partner and best friend Bryce proposed to me there....I won't say it was a beach proposal, or a romantic candlelit one....it was a Bryce proposal-one of a kind and that's why I love him!


Do me a favour and visit the Resorts website, you'll be quite surprised at how affordable it is. Montana cried when we left after not getting to say goodbye to her Meimei (Fijian for Nanny) for the 3rd time...she will hold a place in her heart for that place as we all will!

http://www.outrigger.com/hotels-resorts/fiji/outrigger-on-the-lagoon-fiji


So click on the link above-you won't be disappointed!

I'm a Lucky Girl...

Do you remember those days when you were a teenager and pushing the limits? The limit of your parents, school, friends and just life in general?
I remember those days vividly and I often look back and wonder how different my life would be if I chose an alternative  road to the one I'm on now...I wonder where I would be and if I would be healthy, loved and in a stable frame of mind. I also wonder if I would have similar people in my life to know and love.

The Friends I hold near and dear these days have such a big impact on my life, I think back to my teenager days and realise that back then I still would have chosen the same group of wholesome well raised people with decorum and morals...

I'm a lucky girl...as I have that great group of friends..they're smart, educated, loving and really really funny...I look up to my friends..and I learn from them everyday...

To all of my friends, even though I don't get to see many of you often..always remember that I'm thinking of you and happy that we are mates...and to those who I do see often (mama butterfly)..thank you for coming into my life and making it the best and most enjoyable journey that it has become...without you to look up to and learn from I know the road I'm on wouldn't be as happy...so thank you thank you thank you xoxoxoxo

Arrrchoooo- It's The Cold and Flu!

So archooooo cold and flu is visiting our home, I'm fairly certain I've got him under control though..here's a list of what I have:

Panadol: For the bears with sore heads-CHECK
Cough Lollies: For the sooks with sore throats-CHECK
Eucalyptus Oil in a burner: To kill the germs flying around and send me blind in the process-CHECK
Vitamin C 250mg: Take 4 per day per adult...to keep Mummsie happy-CHECK
Vicks: Rub for chest, back and feet-CHECK

So after organizing my above checklist, I finally got into bed at around 9.30pm...to the sounds of a MONSTER in my bed!!! My poor B's snoring sounded like a truck roaring down a hill riding his exhaust break the whole way...and then...a boat bbbbubbling in the ocean....then...a train screaming along the tracks! These horrendous noises came out of my sick man for oh about an hour...no amount of pushing him and trying to roll him over reduced the noise..if anything I made it worse AND to add to the excitement...he mumbled and grumbled about ME moving around too much...the poor dear..HE couldn't sleep because of me tossing and turning??? Oh deary deary me...the Archoooo cold and flu has turned my Hubby to be into a complete MONSTER!!!

It's in my heart and Soul

I'm a country girl...always have been..always will be. I just can't help it, I actually daydream about my awesome country life. Living on a farm with my partner Bryce and our daughter Montana, growing crops so we all can enjoy weet-bix in the mornings and bread sangas at lunch. It's funny, I really can only write my poetry when I'm away from my Country haven...those days when I've had to go the the city for something or another is when I miss my home, I miss the smell of clean air and sunshine..of Wilga and Belah and of our dirt road..yes I actually miss that. So here is something I've written on one of those trips away from home...Hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it...

My Selection
-I was raised on no selection
the farm sold before my time
though it didn't cease to brand my direction
in this hard working land of mine

I've chased cattle through the Brigalow
been shredded by Lime Bush trees
had mickys right behind me
and my horse drop to its knees

I've watched sunsets over oceans
and fished the great Pacific
but nothing ever compares to
our land and its terrific
sands that change colour
with the direction of a wind
and landscapes of plenty
in the West and its beyond

My country never stops to amaze me
when we all bind together
in war and famine
and lack of good weather

My selection was nil
and I never mind
My country's my heritage
a family of tribes
Our land is our home
our farms joined as one
is enough of a selection
for each and everyone.

A Not So Common Story.....

I've got this story to tell..one that really bothers me to tell, however I think you my readers will appreciate this it. I will warn you now...it's a sad one so have some tissues handy. I will also inform you that I won't make a habit of writing sad stories..just this one...I promise.

I grew up in a small country town and had my best friend, Angela, living only 5 doors away. Angela's little sister and my little sister were  best friends and Ang's mum and my mum were best friends. So we all lived more or less as the one big loving family doing everything together...trying our first cigarette...drinking our first alcoholic drink...telling about our first kiss with a boy. It was bliss, having her so close to home.

We eventually all grew up and moved away from our little town, starting our families...going through separations, Ang and I both becoming single parents..and sharing every minute of our ups and downs together.

I had been living and working on a horse stud about 2.5 hrs drive away and Ang would come to visit me when she could. One weekend during her visit, she said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home early. I said ok, no worries but ring me when you get home.

So the phone rang 4 hours later, I picked it up and it was Angela's sister crying, Ang was in hospital and in LABOUR!!!...I laughed and said ok sure...whats really wrong...but it was the truth...Ang WAS REALLY in labour. I was in complete shock..I had my friend with me for the weekend, the woman I knew EVERYTHING about and I didn't even know she was 9 months pregnant!

She had been seeing this man and fallen pregnant, although he wasn't ready to be a father, so Ang decided she would put the baby up for adoption as she knew she couldn't care for a young one on her own. She had come to stay with me thinking she still had 2 weeks to go before the birth and did very well at hiding her belly. Ang was right when she said she wanted to leave early, she knew she was going into labour and drove herself to the hospital.

So my sister and I drove the 2.5hrs that night, to find our friend alone in the maternity ward...I wanted to cry...I really did, but I knew I had to be strong for her. So with her sister by her side and my sister by my side..we delivered the baby, a beautiful blue eyed blonde haired little boy on July 1st 2003...weighing in at 9lb..How the hell did she manage to hide that????

Once all was done we discussed her options...she told us her story and why she had kept it a secret..small country town..and being a single mum with now 2 kids just wasn't her plan. She was so confused...holding this gorgeous baby and knowing she had already told the midwives her plan to adopt him out. After long talks..just us 4 girls.. we all decided we would keep him and help Angela raise him, so we named him Jacob.

Everyone went into overdrive..buying clothes,cots,nappies,bottles..you name it we needed it..after all Ang wasn't planning on bringing him home.

Jacob became the light of our lives..this very special little boy. We christened him and I became his God-Mother...a role I was SOOOO proud of. He grew so quickly and happily in his loving little family with his mum and big sister Tamara.

The love, laughter and sunshine was short lived as less than 2 years later, Jacob was diagnosed with Leukemia...from there he spent nearly 5 long years in the Royal Children's Hospital in Brisbane, where they poked and prodded him trying to kill this disease. He had bone marrow transplant..the works...and all the while his mother Angela sat by his little side, she moved to the city and lived beside the hospital to help care for her beautiful little man Jacob for that whole time. Jacob started fighting back and was well enough to come home, he started school...Can you believe it? Tough little tacker actually got out of that hospital and started Prep at the same school i went to as a little girl.

Jacob died in May this year, just 2 months shy of his 7th birthday. All up he spent 5 years in that hospital, 5 years fighting a battle that no one ever wins. His mother also fighting ...non stop...looking for a cure..raising money for a cure...eating...sleeping....crying for a cure.

It disgusts me to say that never once in that 5 years did I visit Jacob in hospital, I would see him every now and then on one of his very few visits home and never ever will I forgive myself for not being there for him or my Friend, his mother...Angela. I will be honest with you all now though...I will admit just how naive I was...I actually thought he wouldn't die...in my heart i really did think he would be ok and we would all be sending him off on his first date..maybe I didn't visit him in those dark days as I didn't want to admit it was actually a major possibility that he would die from this disease?

I will also never forget the day it happened..I had been in hospital...just finished my breakfast and my phone rang...the words.."Jacobs gone to heaven"...passed through my ears and hit hard into my chest...my heart broke that day..I felt it...it tore clean in two and it physically hurt. I was alone in that hospital room...sobbing with the news that i thought would never come, when a Nun walked in and without a word held me in her arms..she asked what was wrong and in between sobs, I told her my story, Angela's story and most of all Jacobs story...we took Holy Communion together that morning and I prayed for Angela...she was the one now who needed the help. Her beautiful baby boy was gone and now she needed all the prayers we could possibly give.

Now I would like you to just sit back and think about this for  minute...you fall pregnant unexpectedly...you think about adoption..yet you don't..so you keep this gorgeous gift from god..only to have him healthy for not quite 2 years of his life...he is then sick for the rest of it..and eventually God takes him back..Do you believe in fate? and if so...what lessons is Angela suppose to learn from this? Everything happens for a reason right? Well whats the reason to have so much anguish happen to one person?

The only way I want to remember my little God-Son is happy...his first day of School was one of his happiest days ever....In remission and heading off to school...you can't ask for more than that!

On the wings of Angels you fly Jacob 'Jubba'....I will always love you and until we meet again...save me a seat xoxoxo

Doodleing With Words One Day....

I try so hard to hold it...
but sometimes it all just blurts out.
When she doesn't want to listen,
I rant and rave and shout.
I know she means no harm,
when she spills her cup of juice
and when she looks up at me
I know I have to call a truce
She's the prettiest thing I've ever seen
The nicest thing I know
The quietest when she's asleep
and the loudest on the go.
I know she's been here before
A leader in her past
Somethings that she says to me
sends my mind ablast.
This little girls my daughter
will always be my friend
but Montana is a devil
made from a heavenly blend.

So I wrote that in 2003, my girl was 3 years old..it's funny you know, back then I treated her like she was 5....and I wonder now at 10 if I treat her likes she 13? The photo was taken at about the same time, she wasn't quite 3, yet to me she was a big girl...nearly completley out of nappies..riding on her own in Shows and talking just like a 5 year old....smart little cookie.

Here we go.....

I've been privileged to read friends blogs and often thought how serene their lives must be to 'vent via blogging'...When I say vent, I'm not referring to the negative side of what most of us would commonly know venting as, I'm referring to those thoughts we all have floating around in our minds abyss, those thoughts that we often wonder are worth sharing and by sharing create a sense of serenity in our minds...a sense of weightlessness...relief even. So here I am a virgin blogger, reluctant to live up to the expectations of my own writing abilities. I have always written, as a child I wrote under a tree, in the shed, on my Dads truck...wherever..whenever. As an adult I wrote poetry to help me through those times of need when I felt alone, it worked..well I think it did anyway...I feel normal enough :)

So welcome to me...and hello to you!!