I'm a Lucky Girl...

Do you remember those days when you were a teenager and pushing the limits? The limit of your parents, school, friends and just life in general?
I remember those days vividly and I often look back and wonder how different my life would be if I chose an alternative  road to the one I'm on now...I wonder where I would be and if I would be healthy, loved and in a stable frame of mind. I also wonder if I would have similar people in my life to know and love.

The Friends I hold near and dear these days have such a big impact on my life, I think back to my teenager days and realise that back then I still would have chosen the same group of wholesome well raised people with decorum and morals...

I'm a lucky girl...as I have that great group of friends..they're smart, educated, loving and really really funny...I look up to my friends..and I learn from them everyday...

To all of my friends, even though I don't get to see many of you often..always remember that I'm thinking of you and happy that we are mates...and to those who I do see often (mama butterfly)..thank you for coming into my life and making it the best and most enjoyable journey that it has become...without you to look up to and learn from I know the road I'm on wouldn't be as happy...so thank you thank you thank you xoxoxoxo

Arrrchoooo- It's The Cold and Flu!

So archooooo cold and flu is visiting our home, I'm fairly certain I've got him under control though..here's a list of what I have:

Panadol: For the bears with sore heads-CHECK
Cough Lollies: For the sooks with sore throats-CHECK
Eucalyptus Oil in a burner: To kill the germs flying around and send me blind in the process-CHECK
Vitamin C 250mg: Take 4 per day per adult...to keep Mummsie happy-CHECK
Vicks: Rub for chest, back and feet-CHECK

So after organizing my above checklist, I finally got into bed at around 9.30pm...to the sounds of a MONSTER in my bed!!! My poor B's snoring sounded like a truck roaring down a hill riding his exhaust break the whole way...and then...a boat bbbbubbling in the ocean....then...a train screaming along the tracks! These horrendous noises came out of my sick man for oh about an hour...no amount of pushing him and trying to roll him over reduced the noise..if anything I made it worse AND to add to the excitement...he mumbled and grumbled about ME moving around too much...the poor dear..HE couldn't sleep because of me tossing and turning??? Oh deary deary me...the Archoooo cold and flu has turned my Hubby to be into a complete MONSTER!!!

It's in my heart and Soul

I'm a country girl...always have been..always will be. I just can't help it, I actually daydream about my awesome country life. Living on a farm with my partner Bryce and our daughter Montana, growing crops so we all can enjoy weet-bix in the mornings and bread sangas at lunch. It's funny, I really can only write my poetry when I'm away from my Country haven...those days when I've had to go the the city for something or another is when I miss my home, I miss the smell of clean air and sunshine..of Wilga and Belah and of our dirt road..yes I actually miss that. So here is something I've written on one of those trips away from home...Hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it...

My Selection
-I was raised on no selection
the farm sold before my time
though it didn't cease to brand my direction
in this hard working land of mine

I've chased cattle through the Brigalow
been shredded by Lime Bush trees
had mickys right behind me
and my horse drop to its knees

I've watched sunsets over oceans
and fished the great Pacific
but nothing ever compares to
our land and its terrific
sands that change colour
with the direction of a wind
and landscapes of plenty
in the West and its beyond

My country never stops to amaze me
when we all bind together
in war and famine
and lack of good weather

My selection was nil
and I never mind
My country's my heritage
a family of tribes
Our land is our home
our farms joined as one
is enough of a selection
for each and everyone.

A Not So Common Story.....

I've got this story to tell..one that really bothers me to tell, however I think you my readers will appreciate this it. I will warn you now...it's a sad one so have some tissues handy. I will also inform you that I won't make a habit of writing sad stories..just this one...I promise.

I grew up in a small country town and had my best friend, Angela, living only 5 doors away. Angela's little sister and my little sister were  best friends and Ang's mum and my mum were best friends. So we all lived more or less as the one big loving family doing everything together...trying our first cigarette...drinking our first alcoholic drink...telling about our first kiss with a boy. It was bliss, having her so close to home.

We eventually all grew up and moved away from our little town, starting our families...going through separations, Ang and I both becoming single parents..and sharing every minute of our ups and downs together.

I had been living and working on a horse stud about 2.5 hrs drive away and Ang would come to visit me when she could. One weekend during her visit, she said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home early. I said ok, no worries but ring me when you get home.

So the phone rang 4 hours later, I picked it up and it was Angela's sister crying, Ang was in hospital and in LABOUR!!!...I laughed and said ok sure...whats really wrong...but it was the truth...Ang WAS REALLY in labour. I was in complete shock..I had my friend with me for the weekend, the woman I knew EVERYTHING about and I didn't even know she was 9 months pregnant!

She had been seeing this man and fallen pregnant, although he wasn't ready to be a father, so Ang decided she would put the baby up for adoption as she knew she couldn't care for a young one on her own. She had come to stay with me thinking she still had 2 weeks to go before the birth and did very well at hiding her belly. Ang was right when she said she wanted to leave early, she knew she was going into labour and drove herself to the hospital.

So my sister and I drove the 2.5hrs that night, to find our friend alone in the maternity ward...I wanted to cry...I really did, but I knew I had to be strong for her. So with her sister by her side and my sister by my side..we delivered the baby, a beautiful blue eyed blonde haired little boy on July 1st 2003...weighing in at 9lb..How the hell did she manage to hide that????

Once all was done we discussed her options...she told us her story and why she had kept it a secret..small country town..and being a single mum with now 2 kids just wasn't her plan. She was so confused...holding this gorgeous baby and knowing she had already told the midwives her plan to adopt him out. After long talks..just us 4 girls.. we all decided we would keep him and help Angela raise him, so we named him Jacob.

Everyone went into overdrive..buying clothes,cots,nappies,bottles..you name it we needed it..after all Ang wasn't planning on bringing him home.

Jacob became the light of our lives..this very special little boy. We christened him and I became his God-Mother...a role I was SOOOO proud of. He grew so quickly and happily in his loving little family with his mum and big sister Tamara.

The love, laughter and sunshine was short lived as less than 2 years later, Jacob was diagnosed with Leukemia...from there he spent nearly 5 long years in the Royal Children's Hospital in Brisbane, where they poked and prodded him trying to kill this disease. He had bone marrow transplant..the works...and all the while his mother Angela sat by his little side, she moved to the city and lived beside the hospital to help care for her beautiful little man Jacob for that whole time. Jacob started fighting back and was well enough to come home, he started school...Can you believe it? Tough little tacker actually got out of that hospital and started Prep at the same school i went to as a little girl.

Jacob died in May this year, just 2 months shy of his 7th birthday. All up he spent 5 years in that hospital, 5 years fighting a battle that no one ever wins. His mother also fighting ...non stop...looking for a cure..raising money for a cure...eating...sleeping....crying for a cure.

It disgusts me to say that never once in that 5 years did I visit Jacob in hospital, I would see him every now and then on one of his very few visits home and never ever will I forgive myself for not being there for him or my Friend, his mother...Angela. I will be honest with you all now though...I will admit just how naive I was...I actually thought he wouldn't die...in my heart i really did think he would be ok and we would all be sending him off on his first date..maybe I didn't visit him in those dark days as I didn't want to admit it was actually a major possibility that he would die from this disease?

I will also never forget the day it happened..I had been in hospital...just finished my breakfast and my phone rang...the words.."Jacobs gone to heaven"...passed through my ears and hit hard into my chest...my heart broke that day..I felt it...it tore clean in two and it physically hurt. I was alone in that hospital room...sobbing with the news that i thought would never come, when a Nun walked in and without a word held me in her arms..she asked what was wrong and in between sobs, I told her my story, Angela's story and most of all Jacobs story...we took Holy Communion together that morning and I prayed for Angela...she was the one now who needed the help. Her beautiful baby boy was gone and now she needed all the prayers we could possibly give.

Now I would like you to just sit back and think about this for  minute...you fall pregnant unexpectedly...you think about adoption..yet you don't..so you keep this gorgeous gift from god..only to have him healthy for not quite 2 years of his life...he is then sick for the rest of it..and eventually God takes him back..Do you believe in fate? and if so...what lessons is Angela suppose to learn from this? Everything happens for a reason right? Well whats the reason to have so much anguish happen to one person?

The only way I want to remember my little God-Son is happy...his first day of School was one of his happiest days ever....In remission and heading off to school...you can't ask for more than that!

On the wings of Angels you fly Jacob 'Jubba'....I will always love you and until we meet again...save me a seat xoxoxo

Doodleing With Words One Day....

I try so hard to hold it...
but sometimes it all just blurts out.
When she doesn't want to listen,
I rant and rave and shout.
I know she means no harm,
when she spills her cup of juice
and when she looks up at me
I know I have to call a truce
She's the prettiest thing I've ever seen
The nicest thing I know
The quietest when she's asleep
and the loudest on the go.
I know she's been here before
A leader in her past
Somethings that she says to me
sends my mind ablast.
This little girls my daughter
will always be my friend
but Montana is a devil
made from a heavenly blend.

So I wrote that in 2003, my girl was 3 years old..it's funny you know, back then I treated her like she was 5....and I wonder now at 10 if I treat her likes she 13? The photo was taken at about the same time, she wasn't quite 3, yet to me she was a big girl...nearly completley out of nappies..riding on her own in Shows and talking just like a 5 year old....smart little cookie.

Here we go.....

I've been privileged to read friends blogs and often thought how serene their lives must be to 'vent via blogging'...When I say vent, I'm not referring to the negative side of what most of us would commonly know venting as, I'm referring to those thoughts we all have floating around in our minds abyss, those thoughts that we often wonder are worth sharing and by sharing create a sense of serenity in our minds...a sense of weightlessness...relief even. So here I am a virgin blogger, reluctant to live up to the expectations of my own writing abilities. I have always written, as a child I wrote under a tree, in the shed, on my Dads truck...wherever..whenever. As an adult I wrote poetry to help me through those times of need when I felt alone, it worked..well I think it did anyway...I feel normal enough :)

So welcome to me...and hello to you!!